What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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