Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
