sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
