hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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