So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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