I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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