now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
