I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Holy sore nipples Batman
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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