I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
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My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
BRING THE BAGELS
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I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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