And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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