I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
tequila makes me forget i have legs
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
