How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
