I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize