are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
