ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Randomize
