Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
