Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
