It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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