Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
