what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize