Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
