I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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