Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
