the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
