He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
