Me. At least after what I've been through.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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