i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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