oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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