so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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