I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
