She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
