Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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