just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
