I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
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I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
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holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
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