Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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