at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
