Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
wakey wakey hands off snakey
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Best friends brother. Beat that.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
