Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
