We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
