Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
