Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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