I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
