Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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