Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
