i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
