someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
