i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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