It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
