Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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