I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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