You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Randomize
