There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
