my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
