WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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