thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
