I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
