Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
