Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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