He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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