3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I am naked and annoyed.
Randomize
