Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Your penis caused this!
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
