Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
