allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
