drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
