The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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