Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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