So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Randomize
