Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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