Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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