At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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